A Quieter Way to Move Through the End of the Year
The past few weeks I have continued to reflect and meditate (as they are some of my own habits for well-being). As I was meditating, it became clear to me that the ending to this year was going to be different.
Normally at this time of the year, I start to notice different things. For example – more to fit in before the year closes. More to finish, plan, tie off. It’s not any one thing – just a kind of quickening in the air as December comes into view.
I’ve felt that pull before. And often, it left me a little more tired than settled.
Because a busier ending to the year often seems to mean doing more. Fitting in one more goal before the year closes. Adding another item to a list that was already too long. And by the time January rolled around, I was preparing for the next year.
So this year, I’m trying something different. Not more. Just one thing – held quietly, for the next hundred days.
What I Mean by “Holding” Something
Not a goal, exactly. A goal has a finish line, a scoreboard, a way to fail. What I’m doing is closer to an intention – a way of paying attention to something that matters to me, and gently coming back to it when life pulls me away. Not gritting my teeth through it. Just noticing, returning, noticing, returning – for a hundred days.
It sounds small when I write it like that. But I’ve come to think small and quiet might be part of the point. Much of what pulls us away from what matters isn’t one big dramatic failure – it can be a hundred small drifts, unnoticed. So the practice isn’t really about willpower. It’s about noticing sooner, and returning without making it a whole thing.
You don’t need a program to try this yourself. Pick one thing you want to pay attention to for the next hundred days – a feeling, a relationship, a way of showing up, whatever it is for you. Write it somewhere you’ll see it. When you notice you’ve drifted, come back. That’s the practice.
Why Paying Attention to What You Need Isn’t Indulgent
I’ll admit – there’s a voice that still says this is a bit self-indulgent. “Shouldn’t I be doing something more productive with the last 100 days of the year?”
But the research doesn’t really back that voice up. One of the most well-established frameworks in psychology, self-determination theory (Ryan & Deci, 2000, p. 68), has spent decades showing that satisfying basic psychological needs leads to greater self-motivation and mental health, while needs that go unmet or ignored lead to diminished motivation and well-being. It isn’t a fringe idea – a 2022 review of 60 separate meta-analyses (Ryan, Duineveld, Di Domenico, Ryan, Steward, & Bradshaw, 2022, pp. 813-842) found strong support for it across areas including healthcare, parenting, and education.
In other words: paying attention to what you need isn’t necessarily a detour from a well-lived life. It may be closer to the foundation of one.
What I am Focusing On…
I’ve built a small, quiet 100-day practice for myself, and I’m opening it up to a small group who want to do it alongside me – from September 23 to December 31. It’s called The Quiet Hundred. There’s a short introduction first, to help you get clear on what you want to pay attention to, then the 100 days themselves – a simple daily rhythm, a small group to hold it alongside, and a few checkpoints along the way to notice what’s shifting.
If that’s something you’d want company for, you can read more here – and if not, I hope the practice itself is useful regardless of whether you ever do it with me.
Either way, here’s to a quiet hundred days of intentional practice.
References –
Ryan, R. M., & Deci, E. L. (2000). Self-determination theory and the facilitation of intrinsic motivation, social development, and well-being. American Psychologist, 55(1), 68–78.
Ryan, R. M., Duineveld, J. J., Di Domenico, S. I., Ryan, W. S., Steward, B. A., & Bradshaw, E. L. (2022). We know this much is (meta-analytically) true: A meta-review of meta-analytic findings evaluating self-determination theory. Psychological Bulletin, 148(11–12), 813–842