Untangling Stressful Habits – Control
If you have been in my world for a while, you will know that I am passionate about habits and untangling unhelpful habits to live a fulfilling and whole-hearted life as a well-being. So I am writing a series to shed some light on some stressful habits that have come back in to my awareness recently.
Before I start sharing about stressful habits, let’s have a look at what stressful habits are.
What Are Stressful Habits?
Basically – habits can be useful or not so useful, helpful or not so helpful, stress inducing or not. Sometimes we are conscious of our habit/s (i.e. often chosen and intentional) or the habit/s can sit within our blind spots or the unknown.
When I refer to stressful habits, I am referring to habits that are impacting our overall life, business or well-being. They could be adding extra stress, suffering or draining life force energy in our lives. The stressful habits could be showing up in one or a variety of areas within our lives (i.e. physical, emotional, mental, financial, environmental or social).
In order to start to untangle from stressful habits, we need to develop self-awareness, so we can be more responsible and take ownership of our own life. Today I wanted to introduce control.
Stressful Habit: Control
Just so we are on the same page about control, some definitions include –
- “to order, limit, or rule something, or someone’s actions or behaviour” ~ Cambridge Dictionary
- “to exercise restraining or directing influence over” ~ Merriam-Webster,
- “The action or fact of holding in check or restraining; restraint” ~ Oxford English Dictionary, and
- “to exercise restraint or direction over” ~ Dictionary.com.
How would you define control? Feel free to share below.
Where Does Control Show Up?
Control can show up in many places within our lives. For example control can show up –
- within ourself – focusing on something we don’t have much control or influence over (e.g. getting older),
- in our relationships – trying to control or influence another persons’ behaviour or
- within the environment we are in – trying to control interest rates.
A few years ago when I was being challenged by control and feeling a deep sense of responsibility for things outside of my control, the following quote came in to my life, which I was grateful for –
“I can find only three kinds of business in the universe: mine, yours and God’s. Much of our stress comes from mentally living out of our business. When I think, “You need to get a job, I want you to be happy, you should be on time, you need to take better care of yourself,” I am in your business. When I’m worried about earthquakes, floods, war, or when I will die, I am in God’s business. If I am mentally in your business or in God’s business, the effect is separation.”
~ Byron Katie
Don’t worry, I imagine most of us have tried to control something that is not within our control at some stage throughout our lives until we develop self-awareness, so BE self-compassionate 🙂
Over to You…
Now you have this awareness, what is your next step? Feel free to share any insights on control or a reflection below. Sometimes change can take a while, so be patient and of course self-compassionate. Also – remember when control is consciously understood it supports our adventure of wholeness and heartful living.
If you are ready to take yourself on the adventure of getting to know yourself (your true Self), why not join the Toolkit? A place where I share tools, inspiration and ideas to live a courageous and openhearted life.