With Love – The Only One Stopping You is YOU!

JT - Always bear in mind that your own resolution to succeed is more important than any other.

This week I was talking to a friend and I was talking to her about a goal of mine and she said something similar to “the only one stopping you is you.” As hard as it is for me to admit that (and yes I love the directness of this friend), it is true.

I have written about this before, however today I want to elaborate and it seems like there is some more I need to become aware of.

In this post I will be discussing –

  • What is Self-Sabotage?
  • Why do we Self-Sabotage?
  • Starting to Transform Self-Protection…

Let’s get started….

What is Self-Sabotage?

Self-sabotage is a combination of thoughts, feelings and behaviours that stop our Self from achieving something or to prevent a plan (i.e. a goal or intention) or process from being successful (e.g. our life). Self-sabotage is like an inner conflict or tug-of-war (e.g. “I want to do something, but I can’t or shouldn’t”). Some definitions of self-sabotage include –

  • “to damage or destroy equipment, weapons, or buildings in order to prevent the success of an enemy or competitor” ~ Cambridge Dictionary, and
  • “to intentionally prevent the success of a plan or action” ~ Cambridge Dictionary.

And there is the quote by Alyce P. Cornyn-Selby –

  • “Self-sabotage is when we say we want something and then go about making sure it doesn’t happen.”

Why Do We Self-Sabotage or Self-Protect?

There are many reasons why we can sabotage or protect ourselves and it depends on each person as we are each unique. Sometimes these reasons are conscious, however quite often they are unconscious and can form part of a protective mechanism from childhood. However, a few common ways we can protect ourselves include –

1. Fear –

A number of fears can link to self-protection. Some of them include – fear of failure, fear of success, fear of the unknown, fear of not have enough money or that you cannot handle the situation. Remember –

“Nothing real can be threatened. Nothing unreal exists. Herein lies the peace of God.”

~ A Course in Miracles.

2. Settling for Less –

Another way of looking at this is not trying very hard as you don’t think you will get it anyway (i.e. nothing ventured, nothing gained). 

“Sometimes it takes a heartbreak to shake us awake and help us see we are worth so much more than we’re settling for.”

~ Mandy Hale

3. Denial –

Not looking at life honestly and living in denial (DENIAL – Don’t Even Notice I Am Lying) or thinking the problem will go away.

4. Self-doubt –

Lack of confidence in your self and your abilities. This can also link in to a lack of worthiness. 

“What we must decide is perhaps how we are valuable, rather than how valuable we are.”

~ Edgar Z. Friedenberg

5. Resignation –

Thinking that you don’t deserve what you want or are not enough

“You alone are enough. You have nothing to prove to anybody.”

~ Maya Angelou

Through working with my own processes around self-protection, I have found it important foster self-compassion and be around supportive individuals as I untangle from these protective mechanisms.

Continuing to Transform Self-Protection…

There are many tools and resources available to transform self-protection. A couple of the skills / resources I am grateful for in my life are journaling, mindfulness and self-compassion. These skills / resources help me to see life clearly and with kindness, so then I can respond with what I need. As I say to the people I work with, this is an ongoing adventure and the moment I think I have it is the moment that I have lost it.

The adventure hasn’t been easy by any means, however I am also super grateful for the amazing humans I have had a chance to work with over the years and whom have supported me to transform my own challenges and heal (and I also continue to be a work in progress).

Over to You –

You may like to take some time to reflect on the following questions –

  1. Do you self-sabotage or self-protect? And don’t worry – you are in good company!
  2. If you do, do you know any reasons you protect your Self?
  3. Is it time and are you willing to change and transform your self-protection?

Remember – no one can empower you but, YOU! If you have any questions, please let me know below 🙂

If you are ready to reclaim your courage and take the next step towards freedom and opening your heartwhy not join our Toolkit?


Thanks L for being in my world and telling it like it is with love – super grateful for friends like you!

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